As a parent or guardian of a child, you need to understand many things about how kids think.
1, The more you tell a child that they can’t do something, generally, the more they will want to do it. The story of Eve in the Garden of Eden in the Bible comes to mind as a good example. Even though there may be countless choices that are permitted, the so-called “forbidden fruit” is often most appealing to many. Why is it forbidden? Why is it illegal? Why is it something Mom or Dad forbids? It MUST be good!
2, Telling a child NO is not the answer and not enough. You need to teach them and show them why you feel the way you do, and logically lead THEM to decide no, of their own accord. In order to do this, you have to be a friend to your child.
3, You can’t “instill the fear of God” in them, verbally abuse them, scream at them, or literally beat them into submission, and expect them to respect you or follow your wishes, under most circumstances.
This approach may work on the surface temporarily, but eventually, most children treated in such a matter will rebel, and rebel with a vengeance. And, they will hate you for the abuse.
While there is no parenting handbook or class you are required to pass before having a child, a good idea would be to simply treat your child as you yourself would like to be treated. We’ve all heard of something similar to that one, right? After all, children ARE human beings, correct? Just because they are little people, does not mean they deserve any less respect or less humane treatment.
4, Do NOT hit your child. Do not scream at or yell at your child. And do not expect your child to listen to you if you don’t follow your own advise to them.
For example, if you tell your child not to have pre-marital sex, but they can hear you and your significant other screaming and carrying on in the bedroom, chances are, that’s not a good example. Or, if you tell your child they cannot see nudity, while meanwhile you send them upstairs while you watch something overtly sexual, that’s not going to work with them too well either.
Or if you tell a child not to drink or smoke, but you send them to the store to buy your cigarettes, or upstairs to fetch your beers because you are too lazy to get it yourself, that’s also probably not the best example.
5, Lead by example. Your child’s mind is like a sponge, and in their eyes, you–the parent, are like a god to them. In the child’s eyes, a parent is generally always right, and can do no wrong. If Mom and Dad does it, then that’s the way it must be.
If your lifestyle is NOT the one that you want your child to grow up and have, then you should do two things,
A, hide your lifestyle from your child, and
B, change your lifestyle as fast as you can
Live a life you are proud of, and that you would want your child to have. Lead by example.
When you do this, then you can truly communicate openly and honestly with your kids about why you feel they should or should not do certain things, and give them logical reasons why.
6, “Because I said so” is not enough. A child deserves a reason why or why not. Tell them the truth.
–Because I am afraid you will die of you do that
–Because many people die taking that drug
–Because it will deeply hurt your parents if you do this, and we will cry
–Because this could ruin your life forever, and you will not be able to take those pictures back
–Because I know people who got addicted and died and I don’t want that to happen to you
–Because you could go to jail and get raped and murdered there
7, Tell your child the truth. Don’t try to soften or sugar-coat reality, when it comes to a child’s safety. They will find out eventually one way or another, from the streets, from their friends, or from you. It is much better if it comes from YOU, the parent.
The more you are honest, open, and have natural and healthy communication with your child, the more apt they will be to tell you what is going on with their life.
–If they got a weird text from some older man
–If their best friend started doing cocaine
–If they are walking home and someone is asking them to get in the car
8. Don’t make your child afraid of you. If you forbid your child from things with no logic, and are abusive to them, they will flee you, and indulge in that thing away from you, with their friends.
And that path will lead them to a life of self-abuse and abuse by others through sex, drugs, and alcohol.
Be there for your kids. Be a friend to them. Explain to them your logic. Lead by example. Live a life you are proud of.
The Office of Bruce Edwin provide the free service to parents, of checking out any person or company, to see if they appear to be safe for you and your child to do business with.
For any specific questions on keeping your child safe in Hollywood, you may contact Bruce Edwin at 310-226-7176. Your question with the answer just might even be published, for the world to hear.
(c) 2019, Bruce Edwin